Harvest Trilogy

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Thanks for the memories...



Much like the epic photo-bombing spree my two best friends and I recently did all around downtown San Antonio in the middle of the night (at known S.A. landmarks), bad ideas can often become the best moments we reminisce over. 

Hairless kittens looking weird!

You've got to love a little cat humor. 

Feeling "Rand"-y in Kentucky

Aren't these guys supposed to be lawyers..and know the law(s)...of their own states if nothing else?

Seems ole Rand Paul has his priorities all askew.  Hey, Rand.  How about actually repealing the bestiality law on the books in Kentucky BEFORE speaking about gay marriage leading to it.  FYI:  animals cannot and do not give consent so not the same thing as two gay people entering into a "consensual" relationship.  

Friday, June 28, 2013

Advice from a Gladiator

We loved him as Agron in the STARZ hit series, Spartacus, which recently concluded.  Now the handsome Dan Feuerriegel  posts this on his Facebook fan page.
 
"The next time you get a call from a PRIVATE number .. Answer it and quietly say "It's done. But there's blood everywhere." Then hang up. Te he"
 

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Non-believers and clogged toilets

This had me howling and recalling the scene in "Along Came Polly" with Ben Stiller, a hot date, a loofah, and spicy Indian food. 

From my friend, Matt:  "Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend's house."

 

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Men and dogs

Photo credit:  Sodahead.com
From my friend, Chris, whose 'son', (Old dirty) Baxter (dachshund) teaches him something new everyday.

"My dog licks his nether region for a half an hour and he's just being hygienic. I touch mine for a few seconds and I'm a pervert. Life isn't fair."


Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Same sex bad! But sex with horse good says laws in U.S.

From gay flamingos to gay horses in sixty seconds flat!  Thumbs up, 'Merica!  "You got yer priorities as straight as Liberace, son!  Liberace!"  (epic sarcasm, in case you were wondering). From The Other 98%.

Why a cat's tongue feels like a cheese grater on your face

From my favorite Facebook science page, I F***ing Love Science, comes the reason why when my cat, Pip, "kisses" my cheek, it feels like a dang cheese grater going over my face.  I could've done without the second explanation, though.  Thanks, IFLS, for the hideous visual, you sick geeks!  Try and get out of the lab more often.

"Have you ever wondered why a cat's tongue feels so rough? Check out this close up shot. A cat's tongue is covered in backwards facing spines, about 500 microns long. These are called papillae and they contain keratin (the same stuff your fingernails and hair is made of) making them quite rigid. These are used in grooming and act almost like a hairbrush.  I won't show you a photo of this, but a cat's tongue isn't the only body part to have spines. The penis has a band of about 120–150 backwards-pointing penile spines, which are about one millimeter long. These rake the inside of the female's vagina, triggering ovulation.  So there you go. Now you know why a cat's tongue feels like sandpaper, and why female cats make such a loud noise when mating!"

 

Monday, June 24, 2013

Gay Flamingos?




You bet!  According to I F***ing Love Science on Facebook, "Carlos and Fernando are two homosexual flamingos, a trait that is not uncommon. The two have been together for years at their nature preserve in Britain. They are well accepted in the group and have proven to be fantastic fathers. Yes, they have raised chicks. The pair has been known to run off other flamingos from their nests and take over the egg. After doing a great job raising two chicks, they were the first choice for foster parents when staff at the Wildfowl & Wetlands Trust (WWT) came across an abandoned egg. The two males are even able to feed the newborn chicks with milk they create in their throats."

The Guardian UK has a great story about Carlos and Fernando's adoption of a baby chick - from "in the egg" to hatching.  Truly amazing. "Gay Flamingos Adopt Abandoned Chick"

It's like The Bird Cage with Robin Willians and Nathan Lane!  Love it.  

Sunday, June 23, 2013

You're such a Cheetah!

This reminds me of those really dumb jokes that are so silly that you end up laughing way more than you expected to because they're just so dumbed-down.  My dad used to tell me this one (over and over again):

Tarzan and Cheetah were walking through the jungle one day and came across a pack of elephants.  Tarzan turned to Cheetah and said "Hey, there's a pack of elephants."

The next day, Tarzan and Cheetah were walking through the same jungle and came across the same pack of elephants who were ALL wearing Raybans.  Do you know what Tarzan said to Cheetah?

....nothing.  He didn't recongnize them!  (Wah, wah wahhhhhh)

Friday, June 21, 2013

Awesome fat-flush water

Here's something to help everyone get into tip-top swimsuit shape!  I love when Facebook shares some healthy food information.  
FAT FLUSH WATER !!!


You should drink at least three 8 oz glasses per day, they say the longer it sits, the better it tastes. You can eat them as well but they are intended as flavoring and still work, so that is a personal choice. The Vitamin C turns fat into fuel, the tangerine increases your sensitivity to insulin, and the cucumber makes you feel full. Try it for 10 days and see what you think!


Ingredients per 8 oz serving
Water
1 slice grapefruit
1 tangerine
½ cucumber, sliced
2 peppermint leaves
Ice – as much as you like

Directions
Wash grapefruit, tangerine cucumber and peppermint leaves. Slice cucumber, grapefruit and tangerine (or peel). Combine all ingredients (fruits, vegetables, 8 oz water, and ice) into a large pitcher.

Stir & Enjoy!





Best teacher EVER!

My favorite college professor was an admitted pot-smoker, then he'd deny it with a wink and a smile.  I learned more from him than anyone else in the three classes he taught.  We're still in contact today.  Pot doesn't make anyone a bad person.  Heck, for college students, it just makes those professors more cool.  And we all know that we love our teachers, we tend to learn more.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Which is worse?

Men vs Women...Venus vs Mars....either way, there are downsides to both.  What we have to look for are the positives, dangit!  Now, where did I leave those positives....?

It's not all Sh*ts and Giggles...or is it?



If this doesn't make you laugh out loud, you've never encountered a dingleberry.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Samuel Clemens and the Funky Bunch

Who knew that when he put down pen and paper and stripped off his Colonel Sanders suit, he was this ripped!  lol

RIP Tony Soprano

Actor James Gandolfini died in Italy today (June 19th, 2013).  Early reports say the man who created television's beloved mob boss, Tony Soprano, of the HBO hit series, The Sopranos, passed away from a heart attack.  He was 51. 

The age of information

Which do you choose?

Monday, June 17, 2013

Stunning street art

How amazing is this chalk art?  Just think about the creativity of the person who imagined it, and the hours of labor that produced it.  (From 4chan on Facebook)

More Inspiration for The Biggest Loser!

Share if this is YOU!

When you've got nothing left to lose

Anti-rape hairy stockings?

Oy vey!  You know that the world has degraded to a level where we seriously need to reevaluate rape culture when China introduces this trend:  anti-rape hairy-legged stockings for woman!  Is this really supposed to keep bad men from groping women...or worse?  What do you think?  Comment below.

Huff Post Weird News"Super sexy, summertime anti-pervert full-leg-of-hair stockings, essential for all young girls going out," @HappyZhangJiang describes the item on China's popular microblogging service, Sina Weibo"  

china hair stockings

Russel Brand annihilates Morning Joe

Morning Joe will never be the same after comedian Russel Brand reveals the morning show's hosts to be complete incompetent ninnies.  After speaking about him, over him, and around him, and then bumbling his information (why he was on the show), Brand lets loose in his very special way and just annihilates the hosts and staff showing how very little they actually know.  These so-called anchors made the mistake of 1.  Not doing their homework on their guest, and 2. Underestimating Brand, himself.  Besides being a comedian, he is also an actor, a vegan, a socially-conscious animal advocate, and last, but certainly not least, extremely intelligent.  Brand thinks fast on his feet -- and when seated with idiots.  Check out the video and watch how the whole interview unravels close the middle....hilarious!

Why the banking and mortgage industries fail

...epically!  Posted by a friend on Facebook.  Is anyone else experiencing this kind of waste and ridiculousness?

"Knowing that we are perpetually one month behind on our mortgage, every month our bank sends us a package detailing a re-employment program they have. They send it Next Day Air...from just across the river. Every month I call them and explain to them that we ARE employed, just not making a lot of money and not able to get caught up just yet. Every month they thank me for letting them know. Every month I then add that I would appreciate MY bank not being so stupid as to send the package NEXT DAY AIR when we live 20 minutes away! Every month they express shock that this has occurred and assure me that it will be addressed and we won't hear from them again...     Just got the package again. Sigh..."

Maybe this is one of the reasons why they fail so terribly at doing what should be so simple? 

Bank of America former employees: 'We were told to lie'

Bank of America routinely denied qualified borrowers a chance to modify their loans to more affordable terms and paid cash bonuses to bank staffers for pushing homeowners into foreclosure, according to affidavits filed last week in a Massachusetts lawsuit.

Education or religion: it's one or the other



...and it's apparent here which one this woman posesses.  This is a forehead-smacking moment. 

Fathers rules for dating their daughters

This guy is serious!  Funny how young men don't think twice about finding, conquering, and leaving a young woman, but when it they grow up and become dads, their daughters are more precious than gold -- and they are completely against (and on guard) the very type of young man they used to be.  Might be a good lesson to teach their sons.  "Treat all women like the one thing you value most in this world."

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Why we need Planned Parenthood Clinics

Does that not say it all?  What the heck are we doing sitting back and allowing a befuddled old white congress with skewed morality defund Planned Parenthood?  PP does more of this and cancer screenings for women along with routine medical care than abortions.  Abortions are only a tiny percentage of what they do and those are not eve funded by the government (by law!!!).  So what the heck are we doing?  People can't afford Kaiser...we need this for the working poor.  And in case you're wondering, most people ARE the working poor.  Can you afford to put out $407 for a simple STD test (sexually transmitted disease)?

Pleasing a Woman: 101

That about sums it up.  Who's ready for a pop quiz?

Take THAT, Westboro Baptist Church

On the lawn of Equality House, a little girl with a big heart sells lemonade to support peace and raise social consciousness and acceptance for gay rights....right across the street from the hate group, Westboro Baptist Church! (Huff Post Weird News)

P.S.  She raised hundreds of dollars.

Westboro Baptist Church Lemonade

Subway Humor

....a Veggie on Honey Oat; which means I'd leave, drive to Subway, and dine in.

Sarcastic Laundry

Mental health and social well-being

You know you've done it.  Worse, next time you're having a conversation in your head, you'll be self-conscious.

You're doing it right now, aren't you?

Wax and cats don't mix

"I'll just lay here awhile...until my bones heal!"

Father's Day will never be the same!

These kids probably grew up needing a lot of counseling.  This is just bananas! I bet these kids never had sleep-overs!  So sad.

Texas' own Rhodes Scholar...NOT

Texas Governor Rick Perry must wake up everyday and pray his foot doesn't find its way to his mouth.  Alas, it seems God isn't listening...or has quite a sense of humor.  Check out the video at San Antonio's KENS 5.

Sentimental pussycat

When the words are just there, man!  (Grumpy Cat. on Facebook)

Talk About Transparency

Admit it.  This is cool!  With air conditioning, a bathroom (not transparent), a mini fridge, and big screen tv with satellite, I could live here.

Time for women to awaken

The war on women is no myth and no joke.  With over 1,100 pieces of legislation passed at the state levels (red states)since 2010 aimed at permanently stripping women's reproductive rights, equal pay rights, and yet more reproductive rights, there can be no mistake.  Women need to wake up!

Smart Alec Cats and their Jokes

God doesn't care if you smoke weed

It's official.  A pastor said it and Huff Post posted it so it must be true.  Hey, it grew from the ground like all things we eat, wear, and utilize, right?  Scientists say it's non-addictive and you can't even overdose on it, yet it's still illegal and our government wastes millions a day fighting the war on pot.  It's just mind-blowingly stupid.  When have you ever heard of a DUI caused by someone who was high?  Answer, never!

Legalize, regulate, and tax it!

Marijuana equals illegal while addictive drugs like alcohol (that you can overdose on) and tobacco that cause diseases like scerosis and cancer are perfectly legal.  That makes sense:  NOT!

Quote from article:  ""I have had several people share with me privately, 'Reverend, I smoke weed and I know I shouldn't.' I say, 'Let me stop you right there. I don't believe the God we serve is that small or petty to be concerned about you smoking weed. I don't think God cares about that.' I let them know that our God is too big to be concerned about somebody smoking a joint." (Shared by HuffPostSocialNews on Facebook)

God Doesn't Care If You Smoke Weed; Pastors Focus On Decriminalizing Unjust Drug Laws



Does this mean these two little old ladies won't actually be making a pitstop in hell?



Truth in Fairy Tales

So THAT's what the wicked queen added to the apple that made Snow White sick!  Seriously, too many other countries have already passed laws requiring mandatory labeling of all GMO foods or have outright kicked Monsanto and their like out of their countries.  The U.S. is behind the curve because our lawmakers are too busy counting the money slipped into their pockets by biotech lobbies to care that they are allowing for the poisoning of American citizens.  Buy only USDA Certified Organic or grow your own.
(Artist:  Free Humanity)

Teen builds Sub

Uh..not a sub-sandwich!  Yea.  You can't even get your teenager to pick up his underwear.  Are you smacking your forehead yet?

Snakes!

No, it's not a Chinese noodle.  Like Samuel L. Jackson would say "What's with all these mother f**ing snakes on the mother f***ing plane?!!" Or, in this case, wrapping around stuff like ramen noodles.



Blunt headed tree snakes, a genus of colubrid snakes found in Mexico, Central America, and the northern part of South America. (From I F***ing Love Science on Facebook)

Non-Religious Religious Humor


Happy Father's Day, Happy Feet!

To all the dads out there who work hard to be good providers, good role models, and just good dads; Happy Father's Day.

Cats and Science!

Oh yes.  It's the first of many cat pictures.  No worries.  There will also be dogs, llamas, elephants, monkeys, and more.  Be patient.

Bill Nye, the science cat courtesy of "I F***ing Love Science" page on Facebook.